Last Thursday was one of those days that reminded me why girls’ education matters so deeply. As I moved around our school, I encountered students stepping into moments that required courage. Year 11 completing examinations. Our HSC Music students preparing to perform their repertoires for exam markers after years of dedicated practice. Our Junior School girls took to the stage with excitement and joy to perform a dance routine at the IPSHA Performance Arts Festival. Across our sports program, students prepared for upcoming finals, knowing they would soon test themselves under pressure. Different age groups. Different experiences. Yet each moment seemed to illustrate the same lesson: Girls need confidence more than perfection.
As parents and educators, we naturally celebrate achievement. We cheer academic success, applaud performances, and congratulate sporting accomplishments. Excellence matters, and our students work incredibly hard to achieve their goals. But confidence in these formative years may be even more important.
Not the confidence that comes from believing you are the best. The confidence that comes from believing you are capable. The confidence to take the stage, perform the piece, enter the competition, sit the examination, lead the team, or raise your hand, even when there is no guarantee of success.
On this day, our HSC Music students walked into a room and shared something deeply personal with complete strangers. Their performances represented hundreds of hours of practice. Yet no amount of preparation completely removes the vulnerability of performance. Later in the day, our younger girls were performing dance routines with smiles on their faces and enthusiasm in every movement. There is something wonderful about watching younger children perform. They are less concerned about appearing flawless. If they miss a step, they simply keep dancing.
Perhaps there is a lesson in that for all of us. Perfection says: “Don’t make a mistake.” Confidence says: “If I make a mistake, I’ll keep going.”
Research also reinforces what we see every day in schools. Clinical psychologist and author Dr Lisa Damour has written extensively about the pressures many young people place on themselves and the risks of holding themselves to unsustainable standards. Her work highlights the importance of helping young people develop resilience, self-compassion and a balanced approach to achievement, rather than defining themselves solely through outcomes. Dr Damour also notes that confidence and self-esteem can become particularly challenging during the adolescent years, making it even more important that schools and families create environments where mistakes are viewed as opportunities for growth rather than evidence of failure.
Similar themes are explored by educator and author Rachel Simmons in Enough As She Is, which encourages parents and educators to help girls move beyond impossible standards of success and develop a stronger sense of self-worth. Together, this body of work reminds us that the goal is not to raise girls who never fail, but girls who have the confidence to embrace challenge, learn from setbacks and keep moving forward.
The world our girls are entering does not reward perfection. It rewards curiosity, adaptability, resilience and courage. The future belongs to people who are willing to attempt difficult things, learn from mistakes and continue growing.
Yet girls often receive messages that tell them the opposite. Be careful. Get it right. Don’t fail. Don’t disappoint others. The challenge for schools and families is helping girls replace these messages with new ones: Be brave. Learn from mistakes. Trust yourself. Take the opportunity.
At Kincoppal-Rose Bay, we want our students to strive for excellence. We want them to work hard, pursue their goals and take pride in their achievements. But we also want something more. We want them to develop the confidence to embrace challenge.
As I reflected on the day, I realised that all the moments I had witnessed, from music performances, to examinations, to dance routines and to sporting preparation, had something in common.
They were not really about achievement and perfection. They were about courage.
They were about young women learning to trust themselves. And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts we can offer our girls. Not the belief that they must be perfect. But the confidence to know they are capable.